Loving My Body has always been a struggle, And does it even matter? Is it just a first world problem? Recently I signed up to some coaching with renowned unf*ck Your brain coach Kara Loewentheil. Her teachings have been unravelling my twisty female ADHD brain, one thought at a time.

I’ve had so many thought bombs about self love, and the topic of ADHD and self love, given that so many of us women with ADHD struggle with self esteem.

Self love is a topic that’s always made me roll my eyes. In a get a grip kind of way. I have really struggled with this. I mean who has time for all that mushy crap?

The coaching premise I learned teaches that its the best idea to be at peace with any circumstance before you try to change it. That was also pretty absurd to me. If I don’t like my house, move. If I think I’m too fat, get thin right? Wrong.

Loving My Body With Surgery?

A couple of years ago I had tummy and boob surgery. If I was unhappy with my body, and then I changed it and I’m happy with it now, then surely my coach was wrong.

So I started to ask myself, how is it possible that change did come out of love? How could I make this situation fit this teaching?

I reflected and here’s what I came up with. Even though Ive always been fairly self aware, so many of my thoughts are automatic.

In that sense I assumed I was fixing my body because I hated it. But then it hit me. loving your body isn’t about looking at your body and saying – isn’t that pretty. It goes way deeper than that.

You don’t love your kids because they are pretty. You don’t truly love other human beings because of they way they look. You love WHO they are.

You don’t love your body because of what it looks like, you love who you are and what comes with it. Mostly I like myself, its my inner critic that has a downer on life.

But its not her fault, she got a lot of nasty things said to her growing up. And so maybe at the time of my surgery my body had some things I wanted to change.

I had muscle separation from four children, it was interfering with pelvic floor. I had to have rectocele repair too. After years of breastfeeding I also had empty boobs.

This didn’t make me less of a person, and conversely, choosing surgery didn’t make me superficial or mean I didn’t ‘love what I had’.

Onthe contrary, I did it BECAUSE I loved my body. I valued my body and It deserved some TLC, so I took ten thousand pounds of my hard earned money and spent it on my body. And that’s why I am thrilled with how much it fixed the issues, – because it came from a place of love, not hatred or shame.

My stuck in a negative loop ADHD brain just didn’t know how to interpret things that way.

In the same way now I realise I can love my body and still want to make changes to it. Like the way you might want to put on make up, or put on some shaper underwear under then new dress. Not because you hate yourself, because you feel nice and why shouldn’t you feel nice?

Five weeks ago I asked a question about my weight. I said I was 180lbs and someone asked why the number mattered. I couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t.

‘Technically’ I am overweight. In only five weeks I truly believe what a negative and unhelpful concept this is. what is the point of believing I am less than worthy unless it’s below 168? Why do these specific numbers matter? Is BMI a universal law?

I know now and I am choosing to believe that my body is amazing. It’s doing exactly what it’s meant to be. And believing its amazing doesn’t mean I believe I look like a photoshopped celebrity. I am choosing to believe its a wondrous thing and 180lbs is what it is supposed to be based on my Current level of food and activity.

And this body should have nice clothes and make up and whatever else. And if I feel like my body might benefit a little from a change in lifestyle, to help with energy, mindset, mood or whatever, I can make some adaptations to my lifestyle and my body will follow suit.

Whatever life I choose to live, I am making the decision for my body that this will be its perfect shape and size because I have chosen it.

How absurd to believe that I can live life as a web developer sat at my desk for eight hours per day, with a penchant for home cooking and expect to have a body like one of desperate housewives.

I don’t put that kind of work in, its almost an insult to the people that do put the work in. they chose to step away from the cupcake. I chose to eat it. So my body is perfectly indicative of that.

Who cares . Its almost like being pissed off at myself because I don’t know how to speak French, when I have never really tried to learn because I am too busy learning Spanish. When I put it that way its so fucking absurd.

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